Office etiquette: the unspoken power that shapes your early career

This is not a post about being stuffy.

It’s about signal.

In your first 90 days, people don’t have a long track record of your work.

So they unconsciously judge the easy-to-observe stuff:

• are you on time?
• do you communicate clearly?
• do you respect other people’s time?
• do you understand the culture?

That bundle is what most people mean by “office etiquette.”

Scene

Early in your career, you don’t have a long resume of wins inside this company yet.

So small behaviors get overweighted.

Something as simple as consistently showing up 3–5 minutes late can turn into a label:

• “They’re not reliable.”
• “They don’t take this seriously.”
• “They’re a little chaotic.”

Meanwhile, someone else with the same skill level looks “more senior” purely because they’re steady:

• on time
• prepared
• clear in writing
• low-drama

That’s what etiquette really is: reducing friction so people can trust you.

Promise

You’ll get a practical “etiquette OS” you can run without changing your personality:

• what etiquette actually includes
• a few rules that prevent unforced errors
• hybrid-era etiquette defaults (room + chat)

What prompted this

Etiquette debates get weirdly heated online because people argue about “professionalism” without defining it — and then everybody feels judged. Two good examples are the Reddit thread on unwritten office rules (https://www.reddit.com/r/work/comments/15oad7z/what_are_some_unwritten_rules_and_etiquette_for/) and Ask a Manager on a younger employee missing norms (https://www.askamanager.org/2022/08/my-younger-employee-doesnt-know-professional-norms.html).

What office etiquette actually includes

Think of etiquette as a professional operating system:

• Respect + courtesy: don’t be a chaos agent.
• Punctuality: being late is a tax you charge other people.
• Appropriate appearance: dress for the room you’re in.
• Clear communication: summarize, confirm, close loops.
• Mindful tech use: don’t live-scroll in meetings.
• Confidentiality: trust is part of the job.
• Team behavior: share context, offer help, be reliable.
• Meeting manners: engaged, prepared, not performatively busy.
• Workspace norms: tidy enough that you look in control.
• Social sensitivity: different people have different boundaries.

None of this requires you to change your personality.

It requires you to notice the environment.

The First 90 Days OS version (practical rules)

Rule 1) Copy the highest-status “normal” behavior

Look for the team’s competent operators and watch:

• how they dress
• how quickly they respond
• how they run meetings
• how they write updates
• what they consider “too casual”

Then match the baseline.

Rule 2) Make your reliability obvious

Reliability is 80% etiquette.

Three habits that make you look professional fast:

• show up on time (or proactively message if you won’t)
• send clean follow-ups after meetings
• close loops (“done” / “shipped” / “sent”)

If you’re doing great work but people can’t see it, you’ll be underestimated.

Rule 3) When in doubt, choose the option that creates less friction

Friction-reducing defaults:

• be on time
• be brief
• be polite
• follow up in writing
• don’t create surprises

Rule 4) Learn the “meeting culture” of your team

Some teams want cameras on. Some don’t.

Some teams want debate in the room. Some want debate in the doc.

Ask once, early:

“Any meeting norms I should know? For example: cameras, prep expectations, and how we capture decisions?”

Rule 5) Be careful with joking and venting (especially early)

Humor is great.

But early on, people don’t know your intent yet.

Avoid:

• sarcasm in writing
• gossip
• “can you believe this place?” jokes

Build trust first. Then loosen up.

Hybrid etiquette (the new “unspoken rules”)

Hybrid work creates an extra layer of etiquette: you’re managing both the room and the chat.

Safe defaults:

• Response time: if you can’t respond quickly, acknowledge (“Got it — I’ll reply by ___.”)
• Meetings: show up on time, stay present, and don’t multitask loudly
• Camera norms: match the team’s baseline; if unsure, ask once and follow it
• Writing tone: be careful with sarcasm, jokes, and “too casual” phrasing in public channels
• Decision hygiene: when a decision is made in Slack, post a recap (and email it if it’s important)

Two quick notes, depending on where you sit:

• Early-career: etiquette is how you earn trust before you have big wins.
• Manager: etiquette issues are usually “missing expectations,” not “bad attitude.” Make the norms explicit and you’ll get better behavior fast.

Edge cases

• Some workplaces are extremely casual. Etiquette still matters — it just shows up more in reliability and communication than clothing.
• If you’re neurodivergent or new to US workplace norms, the “unspoken rules” can be genuinely hard. Ask one trusted person for the baseline; don’t try to infer everything alone.

Next step

Pick one etiquette habit to lock in this week: on-time meetings, clean follow-ups, or clearer asks in messages.

If you want the easiest “professional signal” template, steal the Status update template.